I've had a great life. I endured many difficult phases, but none were deliberately orchestrated as I never carried bad intentions for anybody, except the one you are about to read. Through this blog, we will explore causes of adversity, consequences, tactics to recover and takeways. For context: know about Mr. Sarkar, my reporting manager (RM), interacted occasionally through appraisals, code reviews and delivery timelines. A fair yet clever man. And Mr. Joshi, a senior director who oversaw project development efforts on daily basis. Let's start.
THE RISE
Everything has a price. That's fundamental law of creation. If I look back, my journey was nothing less than a miracle. Born to a humble family, I was first in my bloodline to clear 10th + 12th with first grade, first to graduate, get a job, become a software engineer, rode Himalayan motorcycle across India, run half-marathons, read novels, and hike to Everest Base Camp. Through sheer discipline and active lifestyle, I stay fit, conscious, and saw exponential monetary growth relative to my origin. These are sort of extraordinary achievements that many aspire throughout life.
What was the price? Of course, poured my time, energy, intelligence, money—but not just that. The broader consequence of These drives bred rigid, confidence, chauvinism, and a relentless mindset always chasing wild goals.
All these were being executed while working at Darwinbox Solutions (SaaS HRMS). At Darwinbox, work pressure rode a rollercoaster—spiking hard at times, then returning to normal. I worked alongside few of the best minds (many from IITs & NITs), passionate about delivery. When deadlines got extreme, we pushed with maximum effort and shared the pressure. After delivery, we cheered, appreciated, and enjoyed the quieter phases. Seeing me deliver on targets, Darwinbox rewarded well through annual appraisals. 4.5 years passed that way.
By then I worked in Report-Builder (RB), a sub-product of Darwinbox (others are Performance, Onboarding, Helpdesk, Core, etc.). RB lets you configure to download as PDF/CSV like employee, attendance, leave reports etc. With huge edge cases across reports, attributes, filters, and sharing, bugs in production were comparably more. To stabilise RB, leadership added a senior director, Mr. Joshi, along with an engineering manager (EM). I was the only frontend (UI) developer against 4 backend devs, 2 QAs, and 2 EMs, plus an IITian PM in the RB team.
Darwinbox ran on a quarterly release cycle: everything went live by quarter end. When Mr. Joshi took over RB, two big UI features had already spilled over from the previous quarter—so with the current scope, the workload became massive. As he was new and wanted to prove his abilities, he exercised maximum authority to push delivery, and with the UI scope this large, the pressure mostly landed on me.
THE CAUSE
He became ruthless to force delivery. He’d call late at night—up to 10 times—if any bugs showed on the board. I was pushed to work on weekends, report office on sick leaves, and escalate to my RM if I didn’t respond within 10 minutes. I worked ~14 hours most days, staying late in the office wrecking my sleep and food routine.
With the huge UI workload, more issues surfaced—expected. He used criticism to clear the board so he could look good in weekly progress updates to leadership. Despite putting 100%, still got lambasted so I defended my work. That created a unspoken bitter relationship with Mr. Joshi. Though I still respected his seriousness about delivery of our work. Somehow, we delivered 100% of planned work for the quarter in an unattainable short timeline. Now things should have gone back to normal, but unfortunately, they didn’t.
Days later, during a morning scrum, out of nowhere and in-front of the entire team, he threatened to remove me from the RB by discussing with RM. His ego was clearly bruised simply because I defended my work during previous quarter. That was so shocking for me that, it blew my mind as well as every bit of respect I had for him. "We can discuss with my RM" was my blunt response to his threat. He never did. In him, I saw attributes of a toxic leader who got zero appreciation for extreme efforts but only got threats to pass. From that day onwards, I decided to enforce my personal boundaries so that this man couldn’t interfere with my personal time and space and still threaten me.
The next quarter, a major UI revamp was planned—again massive UI work with an unrealistic quarterly deadline. This time, a junior associate was assigned under me to support the revamp.
Midway through, I went home for 2 weeks (WFH org policy). He insisted to return office without any reason. I refused straight and continued WFH (moto was to spend time with aged vulnerable parents). Another day, I stepped out to India Post for 1.5 hours to parcel money to my sister ahead of Raksha Bandhan. Mr. Joshi created such scene that my RM had to call saying I wasn't available during working hours. Imagine the level of micro-management.
When revamp work peaked, he deployed the same tactics: interference with personal time and space, late-night calls, escalations, criticism, weekend work (both days). The junior associate tried hard, but whenever he made mistakes, I got bombarded—as a senior and UI lead.
This time his browbeating sparked reactions on my mind, though conscious. Usually I calmed under extreme pressure, but this time restlessness amplified with time. So I ignored his Sunday afternoon calls to scrape together bit of rest for the week ahead. Probably, He took all of this to his ego even more.
Extreme work, no proper rest, bad food, broken sleep—on top of an already demanding lifestyle [refer Active Lifestyle blog] —brought frequent headaches and mounting restlessness.
Every Friday evening we presented revamp demo to EMs/PMs. One Friday, a severe headache drove me out of office at 5pm—I requested my junior to cover. Mid-sleep, mid-demo, Mr. Joshi called and humiliated me over petty issues in front of everyone. Lying there with pounding head and fresh humiliation, I asked myself: why the hell am I doing this?
Somehow, by the final hour, we delivered a major revamp plus 14 planned features in that quarter. Impossible, yet 100% delivered. This time also no appreciation from him. And that impelled me to exclude his name from my appreciation mail for revamp completion on record time, looping all project members. Everyone congratulated and cheered except one.
By now, work stress and a personal situation combinedly had taken a heavy toll. I deteriorated to the point of starting online therapy through YOURDOST—Darwinbox's own mental health program. I thought, If things could get this bad, they could go out of hand. So I sought a psychologist's help, something I never imagined I'd do.
Then came annual increment. This time, RM Mr. Sarkar rated me average, citing two reasons: complaints from Mr. Joshi's endless escalations, and my 2-week WFH. Darwinbox used to give 20% minimum for 100% delivery; that year I got under 10%. I protested strongly, for the poor rating and conveyed my frustration at being a constant target. He realised mistake, but to save face and avoid leadership scrutiny, he ignored.
THE CONSEQUENCE
Mr. Sarkar recommended dialogue with Mr. Joshi. To my Shock—my RM was completely unaware of developing circumstances. Its his unwillingness to assess situation and certainly my failure to communicate. He couldn't fathom that it's a clash between egos, one is to protect its boundaries, and the other is to control it without any due compensation. It spiraled past the point where dialogue was not an option for either of us.
That's when I realised, I was being personally interfered, professionally tortured, underappreciated in terms of compensation and completely ignored of my concerns. This sequence of events created a whirlwind of emotional and mental humiliation. I passed through intense headaches, mood swings, uncontrolled restlessness and even struggled to attend office. Even thought of going office triggered headaches.
Fortunately, the next quarter had lighter work—a relief, since I wasn't in shape to perform. I took a Spiti trip to recover. It helped little; not the solution. I realized that the time has come to separate from Darwinbox. I planned for 6 months of preparation then interviews. Also started on that.
Around then, company celebrated its 10th anniversary. Associates with 7+ years offered paid vacations; those with 5+ years (including me) got a paid dinner. I recall 7+ year employees calling Darwinbox as their family/home. I felt nothing. I just needed time to prep, interview, and leave nicely.
When the next quarter started, Mr. Joshi's firecrackers resumed. This time, in intense pain, I revolted. Friction followed; I requested a project change to my RM. Mr. Sarkar approved. From the day of the scrum threat, Mr. Joshi had fixated on removing me from RB. Unable to find cause through work, he chose a cowardly route—damaging my impression and mental peace. Somehow, he succeeded.
My new project already had a resource, so I got lighter work—but delivered everything assigned. I stopped interacting with Mr. Sarkar about work or challenges. I reduced office presence, stayed in room more. For few days, I'd go in, punch attendance and leave.
THE BREAKDOWN
A month in, when I was in home, these irregular punch-ins triggered alerts to RM and HR. RM set up a Teams call expressing displeasure. I felt no regret. An hour later, HR called querying irregularities in attendance. I tried explaining but everything went to void. Neither RM nor HR intended to listen my story. She gave an ultimatum: cancel WFH, come office tomorrow, or separate. I chose separation. What surprised me: they wanted immediate separation, no notice period. I accepted without a second thought.
I knew it would come, was prepared for it, but drasticity of events overwhelmed me. I devoted 5.5 years to this organization; they couldn't grant a fair separation. They tried to fix symptoms, not root cause. Darwinbox will pay its due price. I initiated resignation on 26 Dec 2025.
I carried Darwinbox in my heart till the bitter end. It paid well and witnessed dreams coming true. But considering how it ended, I concluded: it's just a good movie with a bad ending.
Afterward, in my rented room at Vasantha Valley (VV) gated community at Hyderabad, I felt alone, void and low in self-esteem. I had anxiety attacks. Pained, shocked, distressed, disoriented—I teetered on complete breakdown. In one night, sensing needle-induced chest pain, I had to inform my flat-mate to be ready in case things got worse, like a heart attack. Agonizing phase of my life. I got solid financial backing, but that didn't cushion the crash. I interviewed, got a Coforge (Hyderabad) offer. HR discussed salary and start date but the offer letter never released.
At VV, I bonded with few people through morning badminton, including Ms. Sridevi—53 old, living in her villa, Senior VP of Customer Success at Salesforce (US-based MNC). Aged but fiercely competitive and fit, she first noticed my distressed condition. First time she heard my story—after badminton—she said, and I quote: "Let's assume you made mistakes. Still, no one should criticize and humiliate in front of the team. It destroys confidence and performance. There are better ways a leader should deal conflicting situations like yours."
She mentored me through that phase. She suggested Sadhguru's Inner Engineering (Sambhabhi Mahamudra kriya)—which had transformed her life. I subscribed and attended online. That's when I saw: two leaders, two extremes. Brute force versus empathy. Build product at the cost of well-being, or push work with care. One tried to destroy me; another lifted me up. Humans are indeed complex. Shortly, I left Hyderabad.
Back home, I interviewed more. Slightly recovered, but body and mind still fragile. Headaches, restlessness, broken sleep. Every activity ached. For first time in five years, I stopped running for whole 2 months—though I stayed active through other sports. Staying with family helped enormously. Father advised to focus on interviews, assured he can take care of family at 74. Mothers are darling creatures can summon supernatural power for their child in difficulties.
I shared this with a close friend (now in Europe). He was angry—at my delay. He told "you should have resigned on the day of demo call humiliation". A good colleague, the RB PM, after listening, he said: "Work shouldn't cause persistent headaches. When it does, its better to take a career break."
Finally, cleared TCS Kolkata. One startup invited me to Hyderabad for a final round over lunch—four rounds already completed. I was excited: new technology, lead role but didn't wanted handle startup pressure while still recovering from near-breakdown. So politely denied.
Two weeks post-resignation: Coforge selected me. Six weeks: cleared TCS. Three months: startup opportunity emerged. Some rejections too. In the end, I took the TCS Kolkata offer. Before moving to Kolkata, I consulted a neurologist, explained everything—how my body/mind still ached. He pinpointed anxiety, prescribed antidepressants and vitamins. Medication helped. Being aware that I was biologically stable, I turned to healing mind.
THE RESURRECTION
Kolkata, the City of Joy, surprised me, especially Newtown area, well architected. My project didn't start until two months after joining TCS. This gave vital buffer to work on my mind and body, which are still protesting with their reduced intensity.
I invested in reinforcing mental and physical boundaries. Two hours daily: Sadhguru's Inner Engineering kriya. Deep meditation before bed. Pushed hard to strengthen the body—restarted daily 4km runs plus exercises. Cut every addiction and distractions that fed my breakdown. Vowed to build myself so strong, personally and professionally, that no idiot would dare humiliate me again.
Along with practices and lifestyle changes, I also devoted to an up-skilling program to remain relevant with changing demands. Thanks to the TCS-subscribed Udemy portal and ample buffer time. In just 2 months, I had completed courses like Data structures & algorithms, GraphQL, Angular signals & SSR, ngRx signal, theoretical Azure cloud, fundamentals of gen AI and 20+ mandatory training courses like POSH, Software Security, TCS code of conduct, etc. And this is just the beginning.
I stayed at Shapoorji Sukhobristi housing society, investing in building meaningful friendships. I got into a Cricket group to play during weekend mornings. Also found myself a part of an energetic badminton group and played indoors often.
Within just 2 months of joining TCS, I stopped medication. Along with Kriyas, games, practices, up-skilling, and eliminating certain old habits, I felt like a complete resurrection. I used pain and humiliation as a launchpad to elevate every aspects of life. By now, I am an embodiment of clarity with a purpose to lead myself to a higher life form. Believe I am well on that path.
Well, this was my side of the story; I'm certain Mr. Joshi would have cooked up a different recipe in his mind. All I hope, this experience would drill a bit of empathy in him towards associates.
THE TAKEAWAY
Let's dig factors that might have contributed and few compromises that could have avoided the crisis:
1) I think damn straight, but the corporate world requires little bit of diplomacy and lies to navigate fragile egos—skills I lack.
2) Being born in border region between states, I inherited a casual communication style [observed this during my travels], which might hurt few people who expect to be treated in a certain way, even if the intention was pure.
3) Mr. Joshi should have pushed deliverables with empathy instead of authority and threats.
4) I may have compromised personal boundaries/lifestyle and made myself available for this man, day and night.
5) My early detection of mental deterioration and prompt resignation [I thought headaches were due to extreme pressure and distorted sleep patterns].
6) Early assessment of circumstances by RM and should have laid out a solution to dissolve the friction.
7) If offered a fair separation serving notice period for a smooth career transition.
8) Even in pain, I should have remained disciplined with punch-in/outs till a formal separation.
Let's discuss important lessons to carry forward:
* Never treat workplace as your home and/or family. Regardless of your salary, experience and skill, you are completely replaceable.* Build you personal boundaries and remain flexible in adjusting it with time and demand. Be aware of its consequences.
* Try to stay away from corporate idiots who take your time for granted.
* Pressure fuels growth and it should ride a rollercoaster ride against time. Sustained, extreme pressure is a clear sign of toxic leadership/culture. Please help yourself.
* Old habits don't die so easily. You need to keep killing every time in order for them not to be a part of a natural lifestyle.
* All managers are just employees trying hard to keep their ass clean even if that means eliminating you.
* Get your health equally prioritized. Down the road, that's the only aspect you will carry along.
* When employee unhappy ignored. Manager unhappy, separation. So build dependencies, keep up-skilling, stay relevant in the market.
* I was stupid enough to realize late that my mental health was being compromised. You don't have to. That's why you're reading this blog. Understand patterns and act promptly.
I have completed 8 years in Tech and had good relations with former colleagues. Again this is not a narrative of hatred, zealous, anger or revenge (though I wish not to see that person ever again), but a fair assessment of a crisis and the tactics used to overcome it.
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Thank you for budgeting valuable time reading to the end🙏. Blogs allow my soul to share profound experiences of joy and pain with the world. If you learned something valuable, fell free to comment. For feedback, kindly write back at gsangram@zohomail.in. Also consider exploring my previous blogs:
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